170, that was my number the last time I wrote. Some weeks have passed, and I have made some changes. There is no more gluten in my diet, there is no more alcohol Monday through Thursday, and I even consume less on the weekends, there is no more mindless snacking or "just a bite" of the kids' dinner. Now I am much more mindful of what I put in to my body.
Smoothies with almond milk, spinach and fresh fruit have become my go to breakfast, perfect for the mornings when I have to have all of us out the door by 7 AM. Salads for lunch are pre-made on Sunday so that I can just throw them in a small Tupperware and go during the week. Dinner is always chicken or fish with a vegetable and grain of some some sort. There is no dessert, and IF I want something sweet, it is a few dark chocolate covered almonds.
I am still struggling to find the time to exercise. I am already getting up at 4 AM during the week to get myself and the kids ready to leave and start our day. With all the other "stuff" that we have going on the rest of the time, when can I fit it in? It's not that I don't want to, I just can't figure out HOW to.
In spite of the lack of exercise, I am happy to say that I have lost 17 pounds. That's 10% less of me than the last time I wrote! I would still like to lose about 10 more, and I know it will not be easy. I KNOW that I will HAVE to figure out the exercise thing if I want more weight to come off. BUT, for now I am happy with is happening. For the most part, I am sleeping better at night. The joint aches that I used to get after laying down all night, no longer plague me in the morning when I get up. I have more energy to make it through the day, and, for the first time in a long time, clothes are fitting differently. I like the changes that I am seeing in my body and how it makes me feel - physically AND emotionally.
For now, I like where I am headed, and I am committed to remaining on this path and making any necessary changes along the way. For now, I am 10% less than I was before. I guess it is true what they say... LESS is MORE!!!!
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Monday, September 1, 2014
Owning It
1.7.0.
I cringe as I type those numbers because they represent a number I never thought I would see, at least not when referencing my weight. This is the biggest I have ever been, save for when I was almost 33 weeks pregnant with triplets. I see that number, and I can't believe it's real. My weight has climbed somewhat steadily over the past 2 years, and I don't know why.
I haven't made any significant changes to my lifestyle, I eat the same, have the same level of activity, get roughly the same amount of sleep, etc., so why the change in my body? I could attribute it to many things: stress, age, some bouts with depression, but honestly, I really think it has been my way of thinking.
You see, I've never really had to worry about my weight. I've always been able to eat quite a bit of whatever I want and not have it show. I guess there has been a part of me that continues to think this is the case. I rationalize my bad choices away. It's only this once. It's not like I do this everyday. It's just one bite (which, inevitably becomes 3 or 4).
I think another part of my problem is that I have what I like to call Reverse Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I look in the mirror, and I see a petite cute thing staring back at me. Then I see a picture of myself and that Bitch named Reality smacks me in the face. Don't get me wrong, I am not huge. I am currently a size 8. I carry most of my weight in my mid-section and my cheeks, and I hide my weight well (thank God for maxi-dresses, right?).
I have been seeing an endocrinologist, and we are trying to get to the root of the problem. I just know I can do better and be better than what I am right now. I'm sharing this with the blogosphere in hopes that, by owning up to where I currently am, I'll be able to reset my line of thinking, make some changes and then, hopefully, start to SEE and FEEL some changes.
I have dropped gluten from my diet, I don't drink alcohol during the week, I exercise at least twice a week (better than nothing, right?), so things should start to change. Maybe by saying the number out loud, by posting it for you all to see ( and hopefully not snicker), I'll start to feel MORE accountable.
1.7.0. I'm owning it, whether I want to or not.
I cringe as I type those numbers because they represent a number I never thought I would see, at least not when referencing my weight. This is the biggest I have ever been, save for when I was almost 33 weeks pregnant with triplets. I see that number, and I can't believe it's real. My weight has climbed somewhat steadily over the past 2 years, and I don't know why.
I haven't made any significant changes to my lifestyle, I eat the same, have the same level of activity, get roughly the same amount of sleep, etc., so why the change in my body? I could attribute it to many things: stress, age, some bouts with depression, but honestly, I really think it has been my way of thinking.
You see, I've never really had to worry about my weight. I've always been able to eat quite a bit of whatever I want and not have it show. I guess there has been a part of me that continues to think this is the case. I rationalize my bad choices away. It's only this once. It's not like I do this everyday. It's just one bite (which, inevitably becomes 3 or 4).
I think another part of my problem is that I have what I like to call Reverse Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I look in the mirror, and I see a petite cute thing staring back at me. Then I see a picture of myself and that Bitch named Reality smacks me in the face. Don't get me wrong, I am not huge. I am currently a size 8. I carry most of my weight in my mid-section and my cheeks, and I hide my weight well (thank God for maxi-dresses, right?).
I have been seeing an endocrinologist, and we are trying to get to the root of the problem. I just know I can do better and be better than what I am right now. I'm sharing this with the blogosphere in hopes that, by owning up to where I currently am, I'll be able to reset my line of thinking, make some changes and then, hopefully, start to SEE and FEEL some changes.
I have dropped gluten from my diet, I don't drink alcohol during the week, I exercise at least twice a week (better than nothing, right?), so things should start to change. Maybe by saying the number out loud, by posting it for you all to see ( and hopefully not snicker), I'll start to feel MORE accountable.
1.7.0. I'm owning it, whether I want to or not.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Fear and Loathing at the 24 Hour Fitness
I'm just gonna say it.... I HATE the gym. I have always loathed it. IT'S GROSS! For one, it smells like sweat and stinky socks, AND.... EW. I'm also not super excited about the prospect of sitting in someone else's sweat to do a set of exercises. Don't even get me started on the douchebags who grunt and groan the entire time they are lifting and then ceremoniously drop their weights to the floor and strut like they just delivered the most epic gift ever to you on a silver platter held by Adam Levine grinning and half naked. PUHHHH-LEASE!
So where does that leave me if I want to get fit? I do, after all, have 13.1 miles to run in about 10 weeks. There are plenty of workouts I'd love to try or commit to, but they all have reasons for which I cannot. Some don't have a location within decent driving distance, some don't have a class schedule that fits with my schedule and some are just too dang pricey. On my wish list is to be able to afford a personal trainer, even just once a week (I even have one selected), but let's face it, hell might freeze over before that is an option.
Lately, I look at myself in the mirror and cringe. Where is that sassy, lively girl who used to stare back and smile deviously as she said, pointing to the mirror, "THIS just shouldn't be allowed". (YES, I really used to do that, true story.) Maybe she's lost back there somewhere between pregnancy and postpartum depression? I do hope that I find her soon, because the crazy bitch who stares back at me right now has got to go!
My goal was to be 40 and fabulous, not 40 and fat. Maybe I need to set a new goal, 41-derful?
So where does that leave me if I want to get fit? I do, after all, have 13.1 miles to run in about 10 weeks. There are plenty of workouts I'd love to try or commit to, but they all have reasons for which I cannot. Some don't have a location within decent driving distance, some don't have a class schedule that fits with my schedule and some are just too dang pricey. On my wish list is to be able to afford a personal trainer, even just once a week (I even have one selected), but let's face it, hell might freeze over before that is an option.
Lately, I look at myself in the mirror and cringe. Where is that sassy, lively girl who used to stare back and smile deviously as she said, pointing to the mirror, "THIS just shouldn't be allowed". (YES, I really used to do that, true story.) Maybe she's lost back there somewhere between pregnancy and postpartum depression? I do hope that I find her soon, because the crazy bitch who stares back at me right now has got to go!
My goal was to be 40 and fabulous, not 40 and fat. Maybe I need to set a new goal, 41-derful?
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Let the Games Begin!
So, where do I begin? I started this blog with the intent of it being to wax philosophical about my efforts to become more fit, both physically and mentally. I still fully intend to have that be a major piece of what is going on here; it is, after all, a major piece of my life right now.
After lots of introspection and blights of writer's block, I decided that doesn't have to be ALL I ever talk about. It's called diary of a Haute Momma, so can't I talk about ALL things mom? All things kids, family, relationships, all things LIFE? I think so, and I intend to do so.
My journey to become more fit, both physically and mentally: Hmmmm... Since 2008, my husband, Adam, and I have had many of life's "challenges" thrown our way. We struggled for 2 years to conceive, then we finally did...4 times. From July of 2008 when I became pregnant with our daughter, Libby, until November of 2011 when I delivered our youngest, Brody, I was pregnant for 27 out of 40 months. That's right, I was pregnant more than I was not. It's also worth mentioning that my 2nd pregnancy, which we discovered when Libby was only 6 months old, was spontaneous triplet boys. I guess I also should not fail to bring up that one of those boys, Boe, was stillborn at almost 33 weeks. Then only 9 months after the boys were born, I unexpectedly got pregnant and miscarried. To top it all off, before I had even had a period after the miscarriage, I got pregnant with our grand finale, Brody. Incidentally, to those of you who might be wondering (although it's not really any of your business), YES we were using protection on pregnancies 3 AND 4.
Do you see where I'm going with all of this? Being pregnant and not being pregnant, coupled with grief and stress has done a number on both my body and soul. I am not the same woman now that I used to be. I am always tired which makes me cranky. I am always hungry which makes me cranky. I am always busy which makes me cranky. I am always cranky, and I do not like it. I am sure my children and husband don't really enjoy it either.
So, where does that leave me? I want to be the cute mom on the go with a great sense of style and "shehashershittogetherness". I want to be the mom that people ask, "You're how old?" or "You've had HOW MANY kids?" I don't want to be the harried, frazzled, frumpy yoga pant and flipflop wearing mom that clearly does NOTHING for herself, but, currently, that is SO WHO I AM, and I hate it.
This did not all happen to me in one day, so I know it will take more than one day to "fix" it, but, damn, I am impatient and results driven, so this is very hard for me!!! I do hope you will follow me on my journey and maybe learn some stuff along the way. Please don't expect this to always be a pretty "place" with rainbows and unicorns, it won't be. Sometimes, I get really angry and pissed off, and I don't hold back. Consider yourself warned and enjoy the show as I make the trip from FAT to PHAT.
After lots of introspection and blights of writer's block, I decided that doesn't have to be ALL I ever talk about. It's called diary of a Haute Momma, so can't I talk about ALL things mom? All things kids, family, relationships, all things LIFE? I think so, and I intend to do so.
My journey to become more fit, both physically and mentally: Hmmmm... Since 2008, my husband, Adam, and I have had many of life's "challenges" thrown our way. We struggled for 2 years to conceive, then we finally did...4 times. From July of 2008 when I became pregnant with our daughter, Libby, until November of 2011 when I delivered our youngest, Brody, I was pregnant for 27 out of 40 months. That's right, I was pregnant more than I was not. It's also worth mentioning that my 2nd pregnancy, which we discovered when Libby was only 6 months old, was spontaneous triplet boys. I guess I also should not fail to bring up that one of those boys, Boe, was stillborn at almost 33 weeks. Then only 9 months after the boys were born, I unexpectedly got pregnant and miscarried. To top it all off, before I had even had a period after the miscarriage, I got pregnant with our grand finale, Brody. Incidentally, to those of you who might be wondering (although it's not really any of your business), YES we were using protection on pregnancies 3 AND 4.
Do you see where I'm going with all of this? Being pregnant and not being pregnant, coupled with grief and stress has done a number on both my body and soul. I am not the same woman now that I used to be. I am always tired which makes me cranky. I am always hungry which makes me cranky. I am always busy which makes me cranky. I am always cranky, and I do not like it. I am sure my children and husband don't really enjoy it either.
So, where does that leave me? I want to be the cute mom on the go with a great sense of style and "shehashershittogetherness". I want to be the mom that people ask, "You're how old?" or "You've had HOW MANY kids?" I don't want to be the harried, frazzled, frumpy yoga pant and flipflop wearing mom that clearly does NOTHING for herself, but, currently, that is SO WHO I AM, and I hate it.
This did not all happen to me in one day, so I know it will take more than one day to "fix" it, but, damn, I am impatient and results driven, so this is very hard for me!!! I do hope you will follow me on my journey and maybe learn some stuff along the way. Please don't expect this to always be a pretty "place" with rainbows and unicorns, it won't be. Sometimes, I get really angry and pissed off, and I don't hold back. Consider yourself warned and enjoy the show as I make the trip from FAT to PHAT.
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