Let the Games Begin!

So, where do I begin?  I started this blog with the intent of it being to wax philosophical about my efforts to become more fit, both physically and mentally.  I still fully intend to have that be a major piece of what is going on here; it is, after all, a major piece of my life right now.

After lots of introspection and blights of writer's block, I decided that doesn't have to be ALL I ever talk about.  It's called diary of a Haute Momma, so can't I talk about ALL things mom?  All things kids, family, relationships, all things LIFE?  I think so, and I intend to do so.

My journey to become more fit, both physically and mentally:  Hmmmm...  Since 2008, my husband, Adam, and I have had many of life's "challenges" thrown our way.  We struggled for 2 years to conceive, then we finally did...4 times.  From July of 2008 when I became pregnant with our daughter, Libby, until November of 2011 when I delivered our youngest, Brody, I was pregnant for 27 out of 40 months.  That's right, I was pregnant more than I was not.  It's also worth mentioning that my 2nd pregnancy, which we discovered when Libby was only 6 months old, was spontaneous triplet boys.  I guess I also should not fail to bring up that one of those boys, Boe, was stillborn at almost 33 weeks.  Then only 9 months after the boys were born, I unexpectedly got pregnant and miscarried.  To top it all off, before I had even had a period after the miscarriage, I got pregnant with our grand finale, Brody.  Incidentally, to those of you who might be wondering (although it's not really any of your business), YES we were using protection on pregnancies 3 AND 4. 

Do you see where I'm going with all of this?  Being pregnant and not being pregnant, coupled with grief and stress has done a number on both my body and soul.  I am not the same woman now that I used to be.  I am always tired which makes me cranky.  I am always hungry which makes me cranky.  I am always busy which makes me cranky.  I am always cranky, and I do not like it.  I am sure my children and husband don't really enjoy it either.

So, where does that leave me?  I want to be the cute mom on the go with a great sense of style and "shehashershittogetherness".  I want to be the mom that people ask, "You're how old?" or "You've had HOW MANY kids?"  I don't want to be the harried, frazzled, frumpy yoga pant and flipflop wearing mom that clearly does NOTHING for herself, but, currently, that is SO WHO I AM, and I hate it. 

This did not all happen to me in one day, so I know it will take more than one day to "fix" it, but, damn, I am impatient and results driven, so this is very hard for me!!!  I do hope you will follow me on my journey and maybe learn some stuff along the way.  Please don't expect this to always be a pretty "place" with rainbows and unicorns, it won't be.  Sometimes, I get really angry and pissed off, and I don't hold back.  Consider yourself warned and enjoy the show as I make the trip from FAT to PHAT.